Weekly meetings are standard in many workplaces, but can betotally stressful for quiet, shy or introverted peopleyou may have difficulty speaking.
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"Introverts are very much in their heads and question their statements," he saysDra. Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, author ofThe Genius of Opposites: How Introverts and Extroverts Achieve Extraordinary Results Together. “Oftentimes, chatterboxes dominate the conversation, so introverts don't find an opportunity to express their ideas.”
What do you do if you find it difficult to contribute in meetings? Dr. Kahnweiler shares his strategies.
before date
1. Discover the Meeting Agenda
Before any meeting, find out the topics that will be discussed so that you can figure out what you want to say about them, whether it's an idea, a comment, or a question. “One of the things introverts excel at is grooming,” says Dr. Kahnweiler.
2. Plan and practice what you are going to say
Calm people may not be the best at thinking quickly; on the contrary, they generally like to think (sometimes long and hard) before speaking. Practice in front of a mirror what you are basically going to say or imagine what you are saying in your head to build your confidence. “By the time you get to the meeting, it's like your brain is tricked into thinking you said it, so you feel comfortable,” Dr. Kahnweiler explains. However, he avoids memorizing and instead opts for a conversational tone: "You can even have notes, but say them in your own words to sound more natural."
3. Find a quiet moment before the meeting
Don't rush into last-minute meetings, which can make you feel more stressed. Instead, set aside some alone time before the meeting begins to help you feel more at ease.
4. Bridge into a state of calm
Look for ways to decrease your anxiety about speaking. For example, pay attention to your breathing and avoid negative thoughts before and during the meeting. “Focus on your breath, breathing in and out slowly,” advises Dr. Kahnweiler. "When you do that, it's practically impossible to get anxious, because you can't have obsessive thoughts when you're focused on your breathing." If negative thoughts are keeping you from contributing, find out what irrational thoughts are getting in the way, howeveryone knows more than me, and present an opposing argument, such asI have a lot of knowledge on this topic, so you can cheer up and realize that you don't have to freak out.
At the meeting
5. End at once
If there is something you really want to say, be sure to say it at the beginning of the meeting, within the first five to ten minutes. The longer you wait, the more deal turns on your head.
6. Give yourself time to think
If a colleague catches you off guard with a question, you don't have to respond right away. Saying phrases like "That's a good question" or throwing an open-ended question at your colleague can give you more time to formulate an answer. If he really isn't sure what to say, he can also say that he needs time to think.
7. Regain control after interruptions
If a colleague interrupts you while you're making an important point, regain focus and control of the conversation by raising your finger to let your colleague know you haven't finished speaking. You could also say, "I'd like to continue my thought," or the even nicer version (if the interrupter is your boss): "I have a few more thoughts to share with you on this."
While learning to contribute more in meetings can be difficult at first, remember that holding back in meetings can have professional ramifications.
Dr. Kahnweiler says that “meetings are places where people make judgments. You are doing people a disservice if you don't provide information about yourself and what your results are. You become invisible that way when people don't really know you and the organization doesn't get value for your contributions.”
This article was originally published onmother working. It has been republished here with permission.

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More from Maricar Santos from Working MotherFAQs
How do you get quiet people to speak in meetings? ›
Actively seek and beseech the input of quiet people with open hands and eye contact. With virtual meetings gently use their name only if you have previously agreed that they can say 'pass' when they feel 'put on the spot. ' Let quiet people know in advance that you understand their meek nature.
Is it better to be quiet in meetings? ›Sometimes meetings can feel like “survival of the loudest” — but staying quiet can pay off. Writing on Medium, Tim Denning poses that the people we should take note of during meetings are those who talk least.
What are the ways of keeping quiet? ›- Don't stop talking for the rest of your life. ...
- Practice thinking about things before you even say them. ...
- Never interrupt people. ...
- Get a good, time consuming hobby. ...
- Let the other person speak first. ...
- Use manners. ...
- Release any pent-up energy you may have. ...
- Give a genuine compliment followed by a question.
- Ask a story-generating question.
- If you have a personal connection with the topic—let them know!
- Plan some conversation starters ahead of time.
- When asked a question, answer with depth.
- End the conversation graciously.
- Tip #1: Don't Blurt Out Everything at Once. ...
- Tip #2: Ask for Stories, Not Answers. ...
- Tip #3: Read the Situation. ...
- Tip #4: Remember the Other Person May Also Be Uncomfortable. ...
- Tip #5: Welcome Opportunities to Practice Your Conversational Skills.
- Don't be a passive listener. Listening is a quality many introverts get lauded for. ...
- Don't force yourself to speak more than you have to. ...
- Do believe that your voice has value. ...
- Prepare ahead of meetings. ...
- Face the discomfort head on.
- Don't settle for relationships that don't do something for you. ...
- Don't fake being more exuberant than you feel. ...
- Give yourself permission not to go. ...
- Leave when you want to. ...
- Reach out to people who you feel good being around. ...
- Skip the small talk.
- lowering blood pressure.
- improving concentration and focus.
- calming racing thoughts.
- stimulating brain growth.
- reducing cortisol.
- stimulating creativity.
- improving insomnia.
- encouraging mindfulness.
Silence Helps You Concentrate
The ability to focus on different tasks is often accompanied by a little background noise. Focus is almost always lost when a sound reaches around 80 decibels. A silent environment or one with just a little background noise will help you concentrate the best.
Not only you learn from others, but it also helps you walk in their shoes. Understanding diverse perspectives is critical to avoid being judgmental. You can spend more time getting to know yourself. Silence allows your inner voice to speak up and get familiarized with your inner-self.
How can I be smart and silent? ›
Listen more and speak less.
As the saying goes, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." X Research source If you want to viewed as reasonably smart, keep your mouth shut. Talk less and when you do talk, what you say will be valued that much more.
When we keep quiet it helps to introspect our surrounding environment. Keeping quiet helps to develop sustainable healthy habits which in turn protects the environment. Hence, by keeping quiet we can flush out all the negative and destructive habits that harm the environment.
What do you talk about in awkward silences? ›- Where did you live before this? ...
- What did you think you were going to be growing up?
- Do you have any hidden talents or surprising hobbies?
- What was your favorite extracurricular in elementary school?
- What was the must-have accessory or item when you were growing up?
We all feel stress from time to time, but silence may help decrease stress levels by lowering cortisol adrenaline levels. An older 2006 study found that just 2 minutes of silence can be more calming than listening to relaxing music. This was attributed to changes in blood pressure and blood circulation to the brain.
How can I feel more comfortable in groups? ›- Come to grips with the true nature of your discomfort. ...
- Put words to your uncomfortable feeling. ...
- Talk with a trusted person about the feeling and how it makes you want to avoid group events. ...
- Start exposing yourself to group situations a little at a time, with support.
- Stretch it out. ...
- Meditate in whatever way works best for you. ...
- Take a hot shower or bath. ...
- Set the scene with candles, lighting, cozy things. ...
- Picture the positive. ...
- Go for a brisk walk in nature. ...
- Speak positively about yourself to yourself.
- Make it Feel More Like Home. ...
- Encourage Open Communication. ...
- Allow Casual Dress on Certain Days. ...
- Host Team-Building Activities. ...
- Reward Good Work. ...
- Offer Some Privacy. ...
- Allow Anonymous Suggestions for Improvement. ...
- Gain a Relationship.
- Practice your speech beforehand. ...
- Find a supportive friend or family member to listen to you practice and give feedback. ...
- Know that it is okay if you mess up - just keep going! ...
- Face the audience with confidence, even if you're not feeling confident inside.
If you want to improve your social skills, give yourself goals to meet – every day, week, month, and year. It takes time. The trick is to be consistent, keep trying, and you'll see progress. Before going to a party, tell yourself you are going to make conversation with five people.
How can an introvert socialize better? ›- Keeping up with relationships and socializing with the people who are important to you;
- Finding ways to meet new people in environments that do not feel overwhelming to you;
- Skipping the big reception in favor of getting coffee or lunch;
How do introverts loosen up? ›
- Try meditation. Meditation can be a perfect tool for introverts because it allows quiet and alone time. ...
- Consider starting a journal. ...
- Saving time and space for self-care can help. ...
- Try to balance social life with boundaries. ...
- Consider therapy. ...
- Remembering your strengths is a good idea.
- Accept — and embrace — who you are. You are brilliant and gorgeous and funny and kind. ...
- Learn how to manage your energy. ...
- Work on creating boundaries — with loved ones, as well as yourself.
To be precise, silence defines how you can enrich yourself by listening more, analyzing your situations, being aware of your emotions, and exploring your reactions. This, in turn, brings success and happiness to your life.
Why is it important to work hard in silence? ›It simply means that people who keep blabbering are the ones with no inner substance. The way to success is a hard one that involves infinite efforts and the most advantageous planning processes.
What do quiet people like to talk about? ›Ask for recommendations.
A shy person may feel uncomfortable talking about themselves, but they may enjoy having conversations about other topics. You can get to know them by asking for recommendations for books, shows, movies, and fun activities. For example, if you notice them reading a book, ask them if it is good.
Silence creates a pause that adds more meaning to what's being discussed in a meeting. It also invites everyone to participate. Research shows that silent brainstorming sessions produce more, higher-quality creative ideas than vocal sessions.
Why do you think small talk is so important? ›From the polite chitchat among coworkers that eases the start of a stressful meeting to building powerful bridges at networking events, small talk has always been an important “social lubricator” that builds trust and relationships across cultures—even more so for early-career professionals after graduation.
How can I be calm and quiet in class? ›- Move to the front of the class.
- Try to be like the quiet students.
- Think before you speak.
- Keep a notebook at your desk.
- Put your phone away.
- Avoid responding to classmates.
- Ask your friends for help.
- Ask your teacher for help.
- Baby steps are the way to go. ...
- Remember the excellent stuff about you. ...
- Why are you shy? ...
- They're not looking at you. ...
- Shift your focus. ...
- Self-talk yourself up. ...
- Don't avoid social situations altogether, even if they make you nervous and uncomfortable. ...
- Practise your social skills.
- Ask questions instead of filling the space with your own experiences.
- Listen when other people answer instead of thinking about what you want to say next.
- Avoid cutting in as soon as conversations come to a pause. ...
- Always avoid interrupting when someone else speaks.
How do you talk like a smart person? ›
- Stand or sit with spine straight but relaxed. ...
- Keep your chin up. ...
- Focus on your listeners. ...
- Speak loudly enough to be heard. ...
- Buttress words with appropriate gestures. ...
- Strategically position your body.
- Read more. ...
- Surround yourself with like-minded people. ...
- Start exercising daily. ...
- Learn a new language. ...
- Look for learning opportunities. ...
- Lower your screen time. ...
- Practice meditation. ...
- Explore video games.
- Say no to plastic bottles, bags, straws, and lids.
- Opt for glass jars/bottles or tin cans over plastic ones.
- Avoid plastic-wrapped fruit and veg.
- Buy second-hand items and clothing.
- Invest in a wooden/bamboo toothbrush.
- Buy a travel cup.
- Ways to use less water.
- Check and fix any water leaks. Install water-saving devices on your faucets and toilets. ...
- Ways to protect our water.
- Revegetate or mulch disturbed soil as soon as possible. Never dump anything down a storm drain. ...
- Create less trash.
Introverts need time to think through what they want to say before speaking. Proving context and a chance to prepare encourages introverts to share their thoughts. Giving a heads up on discussion topics allows time for introverts to rehearse the input they want to add during the meeting.
How do you get people to speak up in meetings? ›- Share Your Questions Ahead of Time. ...
- Establish Rules that Encourage Participation. ...
- Ask Simple Questions in Chat. ...
- Follow Up on Those Questions. ...
- Be Clear About What You're Asking For. ...
- Don't Shame Attendees. ...
- Count Away the Silence. ...
- It's a Conversation, Not an Interview.
- Start with an outsider. ...
- Encourage candor. ...
- Listen to understand. ...
- Mind your body language. ...
- Encourage feedback in work groups. ...
- Treat feedback as a gift. ...
- Keep conversation moving. ...
- Don't be afraid of silences.
- Use their names. Calling on an employee by name is a great way to get them to participate. ...
- Take the employee aside. David quietly took Anita aside after one meeting and expressed his desire for group participation. ...
- Encourage mentorship.
- The Power Pause. Step number one is to use the “power pause.” Pauses are powerful, people don't understand and really grasp just how powerful pauses are. ...
- Eye Contact. Technique number two is to use deliberate extended eye contact. ...
- Don't Theorize, Summarize.
Not only you learn from others, but it also helps you walk in their shoes. Understanding diverse perspectives is critical to avoid being judgmental. You can spend more time getting to know yourself. Silence allows your inner voice to speak up and get familiarized with your inner-self.
How do you engage with quiet people? ›
- Use questions to establish rapport and a relationship. ...
- Ask simple questions. ...
- Take a genuine interest. ...
- Be present with the person. ...
- Listen to them. ...
- Be prepared. ...
- Take the initiative. ...
- Use their name.
- Know your topic. ...
- Get organized. ...
- Practice, and then practice some more. ...
- Challenge specific worries. ...
- Visualize your success. ...
- Do some deep breathing. ...
- Focus on your material, not on your audience. ...
- Don't fear a moment of silence.
- Maintain eye contact with the audience.
- Use gestures to emphasise points.
- Move around the stage.
- Match facial expressions with what you're saying.
- Reduce nervous habits.
- Slowly and steadily breathe.
- Use your voice aptly.
- Why Speak Up More in Meetings? ...
- Tactics for Speaking Up in Meetings. ...
- 1 – Stop censoring yourself. ...
- 2 – Speak without hesitation. ...
- 3 – Be the first to speak up. ...
- 4 – Choose a topic ahead of time. ...
- 5 – Decide how often you want to speak in a meeting.